Life ain't always beautiful
by AndreaShea
Summary: No one knows. No one could even believe that the beautiful and perfect Keely Teslow would do something so selfmutilating to herself. What happens when Phil catches her and sees the real Keely Teslow. MF.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not on any circumstances, own Phil of the Future. If I did Phil would've been taking his shirt off like every episode && Keely && Phil would kiss _

_all the time. _

**Summary:** No one knows. No one could even believe that the beautiful and perfect Keely Teslow would do something so self-mutilating to herself.

What happens when Phil finds out what that secret is. What happens when he sees the **real** Keely Teslow. M/F.

**This is my second POTF fanfic. My other was **You've got a long time coming.

**Hopefully this one will be more than just two chapters. haha.

* * *

**

**Life ain't always beautiful.**

**Chapter 1 - If you can't let it be, make it bleed.**

**Created by: Andrea Shea.

* * *

**

Keely Teslow was everyone's perfect girl.

She was gorgeous, happy and anchorgal on her own show _Live with Keely Teslow: I'm Keely Teslow._

Okay, the show was just a morning news report for her school, **H.G. Wells Junior/Senior high, **but, how many 16 year olds had a show that was on "_TV" _and it had there name in it.

Not very many.

One other thing that was great about her was that she had Phil Diffy by her side. He had the best friend a girl could possibly have. He was always walking her to class, laughing and hanging out with her any chance he got. He was great.

Her life seemed absolutely perfect.

But saying that would be the most untrue thing ever.

* * *

"**MOM I DON'T GET IT! WHAT'S WRONG**!" Keely yelled as she stared horrified, watching her mom throwing things across the room, breaking antiques and such.

**"GOD DAMMIT SON OF A BITCH!****!"** Mandy Teslow murmured picking up a picture frame of Keely and her at a dinner party. She chucked it across the room, her cursing louder than ever.

"**MOM! Please tell me what's wrong! Why are you doing this**!" Keely screamed. Trying to talk was hard, especially when trying to talk with tears gushing down your face. She was practically chokeing on them.

"**You wanna know why Keely! WHY**?" She shouted, before collasping on the floor that now contained shards of glass. Keely sauntered towards her mom. She tried to wipe away the blood that was now visible on her mother's face, but Mandy knocked her hand away. Keely sat back, not saying anything, waiting for her mom to regain her composure enough to tell her what happened.

"I lost my job. They fired me over one stupid fucking thing...one stupid thing. I didn't know that the paper was that important, why was I so stupid!" Mandy shouted at Keely.

Keely's face, that was so calm yet scared, had turned to frigtened and shaky.

"Mom it's gonna be okay...shhh."

"**DON'T FUCKING SHHHH ME KEELY, I'M UPSET AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS THAT**!" Mandy screamed pushing Keely away, knocking her over.

Keely broke. She busted, she couldn't take it anymore.

"**MOM! I'M TRYING TO CALM YOU DOWN! STOP PUSHING ME AND YELLING AT ME**!" She shouted, rushing to her room.

"**KEELY DON'T YOU EVER YELL AT ME LIKE THAT! DAMN, SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD AN ABORTION! THEN MAYBE YOUR FATHER WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT**!"

Mandy screamed, so loud that Keely was sure that the whole neighborhood heard it.

* * *

Keely quickly shut her bedroom door behind her. She collasped on the floor, tears were pouring harder than ever.

"Why! Why the fuck would she say something like that..." She whispered to herself, her mother's words echoing in her ears.

"So, I guess I'm the reason dad left, maybe she should've had an abortion." She added, her voice cracking at the words **_dad _**and_ **abortion**_.

Right now, all she could think of was the pain that her mom had caused and was causing because she said that sentence.

It was pretty much saying, "**I hate you, I wish you'd die." **

Okay, they were alittle different but who cares. They were both very hurtful.

**Extremely hurtful.**

All she could do was think what she could do to numb the pain, make it go away. The first thing that came to her mind was something that was something that people would never suspect her of doing.

**Cutting.**

She had seen it in the movie **Thirteen**. She and Phil had watched it on their Friday movie night. Phil had promised that she'd never do that, which she thought was the easiest thing she could promise, because she never thought that it would cross her mind. But right now...it had and it was starting to seem interesting.

She didn't know what she could possibly use to do it.

She just knew, anything sharp, anything with a point that was sharp as a blade.

Right now, it didn't matter, anything that could help the pain go away.

She had heard once that it numbed the pain, it was like when you cut, the pain rushed out with the blood. It sounded completely nuts to her then, but now it

sounded smart.

_Very _smart.

She thought about anything she had sharp...

A **Razor**.

Yeah, that was sharp, and it cut 3 times with each blade.

* * *

She opened her bedroom door, and slowly crept towards the bathroom. She grabbed it and walking out the door she couldn't help but glance through the hallway.

Her mom was still sitting there, moping and crying. She look at Keely with a look of hatred. That Keely didn't stick around for anything else that was coming right behind

it.

Keely ran to her room and shut the door aruptly behind her.

She laid against her bed, holding the razor to her left wrist.

She looked around, and saw a picture of Phil. Her best friend.

She dropped the razor and walked over to the picture, turning it around. It may have just been a picture, but it was like he was staring at her,

making her feel worse.

She sat back down and reached for the razor. She closed her eyes, and slid it across her wrist. She could feel the skin slit as she did it. She burn for a couple seconds, as blood seeped through the small slit in her "perfect" skin.

She stared at it for a while. "Wow..." She whispered. It did make her feel calmer, and it did numb the pain, she hardly felt it. She took the razor to her wrist and slashed it again.

**One.**

**Two.**

**Three. **

Blood was dripping on her floor. "**SHIT**!" She yelled running to her closet. She couldn't possibly run to the bathroom holding her wrist. Her mom would see and freak out even more, and she really didn't want to see her mom then anyway. She grabbed a shirt that she never wore and wrapped it around her wrist. The white shirt was now

completely blood stained. It was seeping through. She closed her eyes, breathing hard. It felt _really _good. That sounded really weird but it did.

Once the blood stopped pouring and the scabs appeared she shoved the shirt her closet, and laid on her bed. She recalled the events that happened that happened that night, and with that, cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Phil sat up aruptly in his bed.

He didn't know what it was, but something made him wake up scared to death. It was his dream.

"Calm down Phil, it was just a dream...Keely's okay." He whispered, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He laid back down.

His mind kept saying _she's fine, she wouldn't ever do something like that._

But his heart was saying, _Call over there just in case. _

He glanced at the clock, it was 3:56.

It was way too late, there was no way she'd be up, so there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with her. She was fine, just sleeping in her cozy bed.

He smiled. He was going to see her in 3 hours. He could wait to hear the sound of her voice.

He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep...

* * *

**Well, there's the first chapter of a very intense fanfic.**

**This is my second POTF fanfic. Hope everyone likes it. **

**5 reviews New Chapter.**

**Love,**

**Andrea Shea.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I do not under any circumstances, own Phil of the Future. If I did, you would here cuss words in the dialog, && Owen && Via would be together, && Pim would have a boyfriend named Jim. hah. Just kidding about the last part. hehe._

**Summary:** No one could even believe that the beautiful and perfect Keely Teslow would do something so self-mutilating to herself.What when Phil finds out the secret to what Keely's been doing. What happens he sees the **Real **Keely Teslow.

**Shout Outs to reviewers;** Thank you for the **7** reviews I got. Even if **1** wasn't exactly a review. More like a flame. But it's okay. I dealed. I've written other stories that have gotten more flames than that. I'm over it. hehe.

**Kmvb: **_You're right. Keely shouldn't have turned to cutting. But sometimes you can't help but do stupid things. Sadly, enough. I used to cut myself too. It was "_**the only pain I could control.**_". Thank you for your wonderful review. _

**Clipman:**_ I am deeply sorry that you did not like the chapter. && I really had no way of ending that chapter, so I threw in the Phil dreaming segment. Sorry if you didn't like it. Hopefully this chapter will change your mind about the fic being "_**a load of crap**". _Thanks for the review anyway._

**tRuEaCtReSs985:**_ You have been a great reviewer of my POTF stories. It was great to be able to talk to you && help you on myspace. Thank you for your great review. _

**Jenxar:** _Yes, very intense. Lol. Sorry there wasn't much left for you to read more about. But this chapter will be up very soon, probably before you even read this. well duhh because it's apart of the chapter but still. Thank you for your review. _

_

* * *

_

**Life ain't always beautiful. **

**Chapter 2 - So cut my wrists and black my eyes.**

**Created by: Andrea Shea.**

**

* * *

**

6:36.

Her alarm clock screamed.

Keely Teslow laid there, she had been up for more than an hour. Her blue eyes were wide, and the bags under them were red, puffy, and huge.

The things that happened last night came flooding back to her, making her eyes swell up with tears yet again. She kept thinking it was a dream, and that she didn't self-mutilate herself. That she was smart enough not to do that.

But she'd roll up her sleeve, && sure enough, they'd be right there. It was hard enough to believe that she did that, but it was harder to believe that her mother had acted the way she did towards her. She didn't understand why her mother was so full of rage that she would blurt something so horrible as "you're the reason your father left".

That would be unbearable for any teenage, or anyone for that matter to endure. It made her cry just thinking about it. But she needed to get up. She had to face another day. She thought about just saying to her mom that she was sick but she didn't want to have to look at her mom, or stay home with her.

She threw the covers over herself, && slowly walked over to her mirror. All she saw was ugly. No, that's not the right word. Gross, Horrendous, makes you wanna throw up a little in your mouth. Yeah, that kind of thing. Oh great, she began to think, now I'm gonna go aneorexic. "Maybe that's why Phil doesn't like me."

Phil? Where did he come from? Phil hadn't come into that conversation or thought, what made him enter her mind at that moment. She thought of how he would react if he saw what she had done, what she was probably going to do from now on. Wow, she was so negative. Thinking she'd do this for the rest of her life? No she wouldn't. She couldn't.

She wasn't crazy. She wasn't.

"I'm not crazy." She whispered to herself.

Hearing herself say it made her begin to believe that she most certainly was. But hey, crazy was the new sane. hah.

What a joke.

* * *

Phil Diffy walked through the halls. His dream had officially freaked him out, && he was anxiously waiting for Keely to come to school. He had to know that she was alright. He didn't know what he'd do if she was hurt. Yeah, that's right he cared that much for her. He turned the corner, and there stood his blonde best friend. He sighed in relief as he non-chalantly walked over to her.

"Keely?" He said from behind her. She had been going through her locker.

She jumped. "PHIL?!! Oh hey, I-I didn't see you, umm. there, yeah. there." She said, stuttering.

_Why the hell am I stuttering? You're making it seem like something is wrong! Way to go Teslow, why don't you just shout it out to him, I mean he can obviously tell something happened. STUPID!_

"Keely?" She snapped back to reality. "Yeah??" She whispered, not looking him in the eyes. "What's wrong? Did something happen last night?" He asked. She brought her gaze to him. "NO. Why would there be anything wrong?"

"Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out, you seem really jumpy today, are you sure there's nothing wrong." He asked, he didn't mean to be so persistant but he knew something happened.

"**NO THERE IS NOTHING WRONG, STOP ASKING. I'M FINE. DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU IF THERE WAS SOMETHING?!!"** She yelled, before slamming her locker shut and running off to homeroom.

"**KEELY**- Keel..!" Phil shouted to her running room, but of course, she didn't turn around and walk back to him. Nah, that would be way too easy.

"**FUCK**!" He exclaimed as he slammed his locker shut.

His dream had come true, something seriously had happened to his best friend, and at the moment, it was scaring him. He didn't like the fact that she wasn't telling him what was wrong. And yes, there was something wrong. He wasn't stupid, he knew his best friend. He ran his fingers through his hair angrily and headed off to his homeroom as well.

* * *

Keely hadn't run to homeroom, she had run to the bathroom. As she threw the door open she collapsed on the tiled floor. If it wasn't for the fact that she was so upset, she would've been freaking out and going crazy with the GERM-X for sitting on the ground. But right now, she didn't give a fuck. 

"I yelled at him, just like she yelled at me..." She whispered, repeating it over and over again. Her sobs were becoming heavy as she remembered the yelling that occurred last night. She tensed before letting out a huge breath that sounded more like a cough/moan.

She wished she could apologize to Phil, but he probably hated her for yelling at him, and he probably didn't want anything to do with her at the moment.

She slowly stood up, walking towards the mirror.

Damn did she hate mirrors today. Her mascara and eyeliner were running, and her eyes were so blurry that her nose looked like her ear.

"Why can't I be good enough...I'm not good enough for my father to stay, and I'm not good enough to keep myself from yelling at the only person that actually cares...:" Well now it was probably cared.

She opened her purse. She pulled out a safety pin.

Hmm...she wondered if it was sharp enough...

She knew she shouldn't be doing it at school, but she couldn't help it, she was hurting, and it was becoming her only resource of feeling better.

Slowly, she slid the safety pin hard across her wrist. Blood seaped through the slit. The feeling came back, the feeling of power over herself.

The words came back into her mind..."The only pain I can control..."

Yeah, it truely was the only pain that felt right to her, actually it didn't even feel as pain. It felt really good. She cried alittle more as she did it three more times.

_One._

_Two._

_Three..._

Blood began to fall into the sink. She gasped, the feeling was intoxicating.

Suddenly, the door flew open.

It was Via.

"SHIT." Keely yelled as she shoved the safety pin into her purse.

She gasped as she saw blood in the sink && Keely shoving a bloody safety pin into her bag.

Her eyes stared in horror at her best friend.

"Keely?! What the hell were you doing with that safety pin?!!"

_Damn. _

* * *

**Finally got done with the chapter. Sorry took so long.**

**Very short chapter, but it's a good one. I'm thinking.**

**Should have another up in acouple days hopefully.**

**loveyouguys.**

**AndreaShea.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I do NOT own Phil of the Future. If I did I would be in the show && possibly be playing Keely instead of Alyson Michalka. hehe._

**Summary:** No one could even believe that the beautiful and perfect Keely Teslow would do something so self-mutilating to herself.What happens when Phil finally sees what Keely's been doing to herself. What happens when he sees the **REAL** Keely Teslow.

* * *

**Life ain't always beautiful.**

**Chapter 3 - Wait and Bleed.**

**Created by: Andrea Shea.**

* * *

**RECAP:**

_One._

_Two._

_Three..._

_Blood began to fall into the sink. She gasped, the feeling was intoxicating. _

_Suddenly, the door flew open. _

_It was Via._

_"Oh Shi----" Keely began shoving the safety pin into her purse quickly._

_She gasped as she saw blood in the sink && Keely shoving a bloody safety pin into her bag._

_Her eyes stared in horror at her best friend._

_"Keely?! What were you doing with that safety pin?!"_

_Damn. _

* * *

Keely had no idea what she was going to say to Via, who was staring at her eye-wide. 

"Keely. What the bloody hell were you doing with the safety pin?" Via said, this time her voice was quivering, like she was about to cry.

Keely closed her eyes slowly, trying to think up some kind of excuse.

"Nothing. I wasn't doing anything with a safety pin." She whispered. She didn't want to raise her voice at Via like she did Phil.

_**She didn't want to be like her mother twice in one day.**_

"Nothing?! Keely I just saw you put a **bloody **safety pin in your bag." Via exclaimed, looking at Keely in disbelief.

_Does she think I'm dumb? I saw it. I saw it with my own eyes. She wouldn't...she wouldn't do that..._

"You must be mistaken. I did no such thing." Keely whispered. Her voice was beginning to rise.

She didn't know how long she would be able to keep herself from screaming.

But she knew it wasn't very long.

"Show me your arm."

Keely opened her eyes and faced Via.

"Why?"

"Let me see your arm, if you have nothing to hide than why won't you show me your arm?" Via asked, holding out her hand to grab Keely's.

_Via, you're going to make me snap. I don't want to yell at you...just please let it go..._

"Let it go Via. It's nothing. Leave me alone." Keely said, her voice was getting even louder.

"Why won't you let me see your arm Keely?! Just let me see your arm."

"Vi, **no**."

Keely's emotions were about to explode.

"Let me see your arm...please." Via whispered, she was losing hope.

**&& then...she snapped.**

"NO. I SAID NO. FUCK OFF."

She grabbed her other bags and ran out of the bathroom.

She had done it again, she had yelled, screaming, and probably lost another best friend.

"Keely..." Via whispered.

* * *

It was **lunchtime**. 

A time where Keely had to face both Phil and Via.

She had no other place to sit. She could sit with the math nerds she had made in the Advance Math Class she was in for about 2 days.

Nah, she didnt' want to risk it, she didn't want her friends to know that there was really something wrong.

Mmk, that didn't make sense, she had yelled at both of them and told them to _'Fuck off'_.

They already know somethings definetly wrong.

They weren't that **dense**.

She sighed and decided to skip lunch and head to the library.

_Yeah, they would never go to the library. _

* * *

Via, Phil, & Owen sat at their usual lunch table, hoping Keely would turn up. 

This lunch was especially awkward with Keely not there chatting up and gossiping about 'he said she said' drama.

"You know what, I'm gonna go get another pudding cup, be right back Philly Cheesesteak."

Owen was acting his normal **Owen-self.**

With Owen now gone, Via decided she'd confide in Phil about Keely.

* * *

"Phil..." Via whispered. 

"Yeah?" He answered, picking at the mystery meat on his plate.

_He really didn't not want to talk to anyone but **Keely.**_

"It's about Keely...I think she's..."

Phil was fully listening now, having heard Keely's name being brought into the conversation.

He was afraid to ask what was on her mind, but his curiousity overcame him.

"What?"

"I think she's self-mutilating herself." Via said, her eyes glistening when she said it.

Phil's eyes widened.

"You think she's doing **WHAT**?!"

He couldn't believe his ears at what Via was implying.

"Self-Mutilating, you know, **cutting **herself."

"I know what it means!! I'm not stupid!" He shouted.

One part of him wanted to laugh out loud at Via but the other sorta believed it.

"No way. She'd never do that. She promised me she'd never do something like that to herself. You're wrong Via."

Via shook her head. She knew what she saw.

_A **bloody **safety pin, Keely **lieing**, and her **not **showing her **arm**. _

_It couldn't be anything else. _

"Phil I know what I saw. I walked into the girl's lavatory and she was pulling down her sleeve and stuffing a **bloody **safety pin in her bag."

* * *

Phil couldn't believe it, he didn't want to believe it. 

"Plus she wouldn't let me see her arm when I asked her for it." Via added, making the story more convincing.

Phil shook his head in major disbelief.

Keely Teslow would never do something so ridiclious as that.

* * *

He knew her, she was his best friend, she was sane enough to know not to do that. 

But then his thoughts came flooding back to the dream he had had about her the night before.

It was...

_Keely sitting in her room, blood everywhere, and someone shouting, "**She's dead, She's dead**." _

* * *

_**It was just a dream though. Dreams don't come true. They're just things that your mind thinks up...right? **_

"Via, I don't believe this, I realize that you're a really good friend but Keely would ever do something like that. I mean, it's Keely."

"You know, Keely, the happy-go-lucky girl that I'm always with."

_Via must be going loony. There's no possible way that she would do that. It was just impossible. End of story. The end._

"Phil...seriously. I think she is." Via exclaimed her voice rising as she slammed her fist on the table trying to put the point across.

Again, Phil just shook his head, what Via was saying was just bullshit.

"Whatever Via. I'll leaving."

And with that, he grabbed his lunch tray and threw it away before heading off to his class.

_There's only one way to find out if this is true..._

* * *

It was Afterschool. 

Keely had been home for not even two hours and she was already miserable.

Her mom had told her that she **hated her** 8 times, that she **wished she'd never had her** 5 times, and she that she was** ugly **more than 10 times.

Luckily, her mom had just left to go drink her _sorrows_ away.

But not before telling Keely again how** worthless **she was.

As soon as the door closed, Keely broke down.

_I can't take this anymore_.

She walked hurriedly to the bathroom, kind of like someone would do if they were about to throw up.

As she arrived inside, she began lifting up her sleeve slowly, wincing at the pain it was causing her. She grabbed the razor blade and pushed it against her skin.

**Ding-Dong.**

She sighed deeply.

_Go away...please just go away. Whoever you are, leave me alone. _

She waited acouple minutes before reapplying the razor blade.

**Ding-Dong.**

She dropped the razor blade into the sink, and rolled down her sleeve.

"This better be good..." She whispered.

She was **pissed.**

Opening up the door, there stood...

**Phil.**

Her eyes that were once narrow and angered, softened to where it looked as if she were crying.

After a few seconds of staring at each other, he spoke.

"Keely.." He whispered.

She looked at him, her make up was smeared from crying, her hair was thrown up into a messy bun at the base of her head, she was wearing gigantic baggy clothes.

To most people they would've thought she looked like a **train wreck.**

But yet, to him, she still looked **beautiful.**

"Phil, leave. Just go away." She whispered back, before beginning to shut the door.

He grabbed the door, pushing it back open so she could hear what he had to say.

"Keely, please let me in. I need to talk to you, even if it's for a few minutes. I'm really sorry about this morning."

Her face grimaced.

She thought it over a minute.

_What if he asks about it..._

"Fine, come in." She whispered, trying to keep her composure, but that was slowly deminising by the second.

As he walked through the doors, he was amazed at how messy and destroyed it was.

Keely would've never allowed for her house to be a complete mess as it was.

All over the house was...

**Vases, broken pieces, cracked pictures frames**.

It was like walking through a **_crime scene_**.

"Welcome to my lovely aboad." Keely said, half-smiling.

He stopped before asking what happened.

"Wait in my room, I'll be there in a minute." She instructed, her voice quivering.

* * *

He opened the door, to show her beautiful pink room. It wasn't like the rest of the house, it was just like the last time he came over. 

_Perfect in every way, just like her thought about her. _

He walked around the room, looking at the pictures of him and her.

_Via is definetly mistaken. _

But he couldn't be too sure, he still wanted answers about what was wrong with her.

He had to find a way for her to tell everything.

Usually she would come out with it, but this time she didn't.

**And it was scaring the shit outta him...**

* * *

"I brought drinks." Keely said, smiling. 

It was a fake smile of course.

"Thanks."

She stuck her hand out so he could grab it.

His hand slipped.

The glass clattered to the newly vaccumed white carpet.

The **blue **kool-aid spilled everywhere.

"I'm so sorry Keel." He exclaimed.

"Don't worry I'll get a towel from the bathroom."

"No it's alright, I'll use one from your hamper." Phil said as he grabbed a _'towel'_.

As he pulled it to the ground, Keely noticed what the _'towel'_ really was.

Her eyes grew wide.

_That's no towel, that's the shirt I used last night. _

_Please don't look...Please._

He looked at her gaze, and followed it to what he was holding.

"WHAT THE-"

Phil quickly dropped the shirt, his mouth open wide.

"Keely...please tell me that is **red **kool-aid." He whispered.

"I wish I could..." She whispered, almost inaudible.

Phil's eyes became covered with worry.

_Keely...no way. You couldn't have. You promised me you wouldn't._

"Keely, where did this **blood **come from...please tell me." He whispered.

"I'm sorry Phil I can't..."

She was crying now.

_Oh my god...Via was right. Omfg, Via's right. Keely's cutting herself. _

_No Phil, just calm down. Maybe she's not. Just ask for her arm. _

"Keel, let me see your arm."

"No Phil, please don't make me."

"Keely, please. I need to see your arm." Phil whispered, walking towards her slowly.

She shuffled backwards.

"And I'm telling you **NO**."

He kept stepping towards her.

And everytime he did, she'd shuffle backwards a few steps.

This went on for a few minutes.

"Phil just **STOP**."

He stepped towards her just once more.

She stepped backwards once more before tripping over a fallen vase.

She expected to hit the floor, where broken glass would've cut her even more than she was already cut.

But she didn't.

Keely found herself in Phil's arms. He had caught her.

"Phil..." She whimpered.

He looked deep into her glossy green eyes and asked her once more.

"Please...Just let me see your arm." He whispered.

His breath on her neck sent chills down her back.

She still shook her head, tears flooding down her face so hard that she could barely see Phil's face.

He carried her over to the couch, where they sat.

He slowly lifted the sleeve.

_"No, no, no...ahh. Please...stop." _

She pushed him, trying her best to break free of his grasp.

"Keely, stop. Just let me see."

He lifted up alittle too forcefully, and she yelped in pain.

She tried once more to push away.

He only tighten his grasp, not to where he would hurt her, but she couldn't get away from him.

"I'm sorry, just let me look. Please Keel..." He said, cooing her like she was a baby.

He finally pulled the sleeve up enough to see the damage, and it made him sick.

There on her wrist and arm were...

_**Scars. **_

_**Cuts.**_

_**and fresh slits that were still bleeding.**_

Her crying grew into loud sobs.

She could no longer hold it in.

Now that he saw he was gonna think she was **crazy**, and really **leave **her.

"Phil I'm sorry, I promised I wouldn't, but I couldn't help it, I'm sorry, **I'M SORRY,** please don't leave, please!" She sobbed.

He looked at her, his eyes were glistening.

_How could anyone do that to theirselves._

"Keely, I'd never leave you. But why, just answer me, why would you do this to yourself?" He asked, softly kissing her wrist.

She closed her eyes, the pain of the kiss was intense.

"I **hate it**...I **hate her...**I'm **crazy**. My mom lost her job and she told me..." Her body began to shake, to where she could barely make out a word.

"She what...Keely shh, calm down, just breathe."

He was slowly caressing her arm up and down, and it was being to calm her down enough where she could begin to gain her composure back.

"She...she told me that she..." She breathed heavily again, and her body shook once more.

"She told me...that she wished she would've had an abort..abort...**abortion**." Keely finally got out.

Phil's concern level grew.

_How could anyone say that their daughter or to anyone for that matter. _

"Oh my god...Keel, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you call me? I could've helped, you didn't have to resort to...this..."

She looked up at him, her eyes still glazy, but her crying had slowly subsided.

"You're wrong. I couldn't have, it was nearly 3 in the morning, you were probably long asleep."

He gave her a look of pure disbelief.

"Keely, I don't care if it was 3 in the morning. I wouldn't even care if it was 1 in the fucking morning and I hadn't slept for days."

"I would've woken up and talked you through it."

He said, pulling her towards his chest to where his chin rested on the top of her head.

She closed her eyes, smelling his cologne.

He smelled **wonderful**.

"Even so, I could've helped you at school. Why'd you do it there?" He asked, still caressing her wrist.

"No you couldn't have. I did it because of you. I-I, I thought you hated me." She whispered, nestling her head deeper into Phil's neck.

"I could never hate you Keely, I love you too much for that." He whispered.

"Yeah, but you only love me because you're my best friend, and you have to say stuff like that when I'm upset." She said, sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

_**She obviously don't know anything.**_

"Keel, I love you in every way you can love a person. If I didn't have you I don't know what I'd do. I love you as a best friend, and alot more than that."

Before she could respond to it, he let go of her wrist and pulled her head up to look at him.

And with that...his lips crashed into hers.

Keely had absolutely no idea what had just happened but all she knew was Phil was **kissing **her, and she was **loving **it.

She grabbed the back of his head to deepen the kiss as she pulled him on top of her.

He pulled his head free to put on the other side of her to keep balance, but as he did that, he rubbed against an open cut making her cry out in pain.

Phil pulled away immediately.

"I'm sorry...shh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."

He kissed her forehead as he got up.

"I should go, your mom should be home soon." He explained as he helped her to her feet.

She led him to the door, her mind still dwelling on the kiss.

"Keel, please promise me you'll never do that to yourself again. I'll always be here to help you with you're problems." He told her.

_But what if dad fixes the time machine? What are you going to do then?_

"I promise. And I also promise to keep my promise." She said, partly smiling.

He grinned before embracing her and planting another kiss on her lips.

"Remember, I'm here, and I love you." He added, before opening the door and walking out.

As the door shut, she said something, something she didn't want him to hear.

_I love you too..._

_But...I don't think I can stop. _

**

* * *

**

**Preview of Next Chapter:**

_"Why are you so worthless?"_

_"I'm sorry Phil, looks like I broke two promises."_

_"If you keep doing this, he's going to leave you! And he's not gonna come back!" _

_"Hi my name is Keely, and I'm a cutter."_

* * *

**Wow, I loved this chapter. **

**It makes up for the last one. **

**It's like so long. **

**Hah, you're going to love the next chapter. :)**

**I love you guys.**

**AndreaShea.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I do not own Phil of the future or any other character that may be portrayed in this story. If I did, Disney would've never canceled it, && my cousin wouldn't be dating him. I would be. haha. _

**Summary: **Keely cuts herself. End of summary. :/

**Life ain't always beautiful.**

**Chapter 4: stabby rip stab stab.**

**Written by: AndreaShea.**

Keely didn't sleep that night. Not at all. Too much was running through her mind.

Phil **seeing **her cuts, him **kissing **her, and him telling her that he **loved **her. It was _freaking _her out, she couldn't understand why such a **great guy **would _love _someone as messed up as she was. But then she would think, she wasn't always this "_messed up_" as she put it. She had just become that way, so maybe he loved her before she became that way?

Nah. And if that were it, then he would end up not liking her anymore by the time it was all over. But then she recalled what he had said the day before. That he could never hate her, and that he loved her too much.

For some reason, the feeling mad her sick. And she didn't know why.

Her mother had come home almost an hour after he had left. She was drunk, and she had left Keely wondering how the hell she had made it back in one piece. She tried to help her mother to bed but her mother pushed her away.

As usual.

So Keely said, "**fuck it**" and went to her room. And she had been there since then. But not for a second did she shut her eyes. She wished she could, because she had school in about 3 hours. But even if she went to sleep now she'd still not have enough to function properly.

She laughed to herself. "_Function properly_?" Keely hadn't 'functioned properly' since the day her mother hit her and said, "I wish you were never born."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

**7 hours before. **

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Phil had just come from Keely's house, and he was bottled up with **sorrow and confusion**. Sorrow for the way Keely was being treated and for the way she was treating herself. Confusion for why Keely would do something like that to herself.

_His _**best friend**.

_His _**Keely**.

_His _**Keely Teslow** was cutting herself.

She was self-mutilating her arm and the worst thing was that he had to find out from someone who wasn't her.

Mmk. So he knew that she wouldn't come right out and say it, but she had always told him everything, and he meant everything. So not finding out about this from her felt horrible. More horrible than seeing the writing on her arm. He wasn't saying that he didn't care that she was doing that, because he did.

There was no way in hell she was ever going to do that again. She had promised him. And Keely **NEVER **broke a promise with him. Well, except for the time she said, that she would never cut herself, but we're not going there. **[haha.**

As he walked through the backdoor of his two-story home, he noticed his father sitting on the couch watching "Who wants to marry a dentist." He wondered if he could get around telling him exactly what was going on but enough for where he could find something to do about Keely and her problem without telling his dad it was Keely with the problem. And looking back on that sentence, he knew this was **NOT**gonna be easy. **[haha. just thought I'd put that in there.**

"Umm. Hey dad." He asked, as he glanced at the T.V. screen. Apparently the dentist was giving a girl a teeth drilling for their date. _Who would watch this shit and like it?!_ Phil thought to himself, but then his question was answered when he dad started laughing and saying, "This is the greatest show in this century."

_Apparently he would._

Phil rolled his eyes, as he asked his dad again for his attention. This time Lloyd responded by turning off the television and shifting his attention to his only son.

"I've got this problem. Well, I mean. I don't have this problem, a friend has this problem. And my friend's best friend's mother has lost her job and now blames my friend's best friend for it happening. And treats them horribly and tells them that she wishes they were never born. So my friend's best friend cuts herself to calm herself down."

"Cuts themselves?! Why would they do something like that?!!" Lloyd gasped as he showed much concern. Phil looked at his dad for a minute, and said, "I just told you, because it 'calms them down'."

Lloyd raised his eyebrow as if to say, 'that's a pretty stupid reason.'

He didn't get it.

Phil shook his head a few times and continued. "Anyway, my friend found out a couple of hours ago, and he doesn't know what to do about it. He wonders if he should tell someone who's an adult that can help, or to just let it be."

"Well Phil, your 'friend' should not just let it go, this is a serious matter. Now what I think you should do, I mean your friend, I think that he should wait a couple days more and if it keeps happening than he should tell someone. Is he sure that she is getting beaten?"

"Yes. And it's not really her getting beaten _'physically'_, it's more like she is beaten _'emotionally'_. Her mom's psyching her out, making her feel worthless." He explained, trying to show his father the entire situation clearly.

"So, let me get this straight, her mother tells her she's 'worthless'. Well that's child abuse in a sense. That kind of changes everything Phil, I think your friend should tell someone, and quickly before it before physical abuse," Lloyd told his son in all seriousness.

"No child should have to deal with there parental guardian making them feel like they don't deserve to live or be on this earth. This woman should be thrown away in jail. Who is it?" He asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.

Phil shuddered. _Should I tell him?_

Pssh.

There's no way.

"I can't tell you dad. I'm sure sooner or later you'll find out, but I must insist that I don't reveal that information. Thanks for your help." Phil exclaimed wrapping his dad in an embrace.

"Anytime son, and I wanna know what happens when your friend figures out what's best."

He called as Phil began running up the stairs to his room.

"Will do!"

--------------------------------------------

As he opened up his door and walked in a voice spoke.

"So Blondie's _**slicing and dicing**_ huh?"

It was none other than Phil's annoying 15 year old sister, Pim.

"What are you talking about?"

He asked, aggravated.

"I overheard you and dad talking. A friend? Come on Phillip, how dumb do you think I am? Keely's mom is beating her? Hah. That's pretty bad. But pretty stupid on her part to cut herself because of it," she continued.

She apparently was filling her nails and not even making eye contact with Phil.

"Shut up. You don't know the half of it Pim."

"I know that she probably won't stop, even if you tell her to Phil."

"Whatever, she promised Pim."

"And you believe her Phil, come on, how **thick-headed** are you?!"

"Shut your mouth."

He was getting angrier by the second. Pim had no idea what the fuck she was talking about, and she was making Keely look worse and worse every time she opened up her over-sized oval she called a mouth.

"Phil, I'm not trying to make you mad. I swear, I'm actually feeling a little sorry for Keely. I mean, her mom said that she wished she wasn't alive, that's pretty bad. But do you really think that she's going to stop just because you told her to?"

"Yes. I trust Keely. I don't think she would lie to me."

"Phil please, I've done some research on the 'internet' and it says that when people start cutting themselves, it becomes addicting, like drugs, and they can't stop. No matter what anyone tells them."

"Not Keely. She wouldn't become addicted."

"I know you'd like to think that, but it's true. And with her mom yelling at her, making her feel worthless, what do you think she's gonna turn to? She's not gonna just sit around and say to herself, '_**oh well I can't do that because Phil told me not to'**_. No she's not gonna be thinking, she's just gonna do it, because she knows that it'll make her feel better."

Phil's blood was boiling, he hated, I mean, hated when Pim was right. Because usually she was right about the things that he really didn't want her to be right about.

"Fuck you Pim. Get out."

"Phil. I'm only trying to help you out."

"Out. Now."

He pointed to his bedroom door. She stood up and starting walking, but she turned around before she left the room.

"Fine, I'll leave, but I'm right and you know it, so do the right thing and just stop this."

**"GET OUT GOD DAMMIT." **

Phil shouted.

_Pim was wrong, in so many ways. _

_Keely was gonna stop. He knew she was. _

_He wanted to believe in her. _

_But minutes went by and he slowly began _

_to doubt Keely, and he hated himself for it. _

-------------------------------------

**Present.**

--------------------------------------

Keely had nodded off only a little when her alarm clock went off signaling that, yes, she had another day of school on her hands. Although she knew that throwing it across the room wouldn't be the smartest idea, she did it anyway, and it went soaring towards her windowsill. It didn't break or anything but it sure as hell stopped beeping.

"God, I just wanna go to sleep!" she groaned as her eyes watered from lack of closure.

But she got up anyway.

She couldn't miss the bus and she really didn't want to be stuck in that house with her mother.

School was actually going to be her safe haven from now on. She wouldn't have to see her mother's ugly face until 4. From **7:30 to 4**. The only bad thing about it was she had to learn. That part sucked.

Stretching her long petite legs and arms, she yawned loudly. Walking towards her closet door, she swung it open. So many ensembles to wear, but she didn't really feel like dressing up. Either way, she would kind of have to, because she had absolutely no **leisure **clothes. She looked at her bottom selves and that's when she noticed on the floor the very shirt that gave her away to Phil. That damn white T-shirt. Keely cursed herself as she picked it up and threw it in her wastebasket. _Stupid fucking shirt._

But she wasn't going to do _that_ anymore. She had promised Phil that she wouldn't. So she wasn't. She was justgoing to bear what her mother did, and not touch a damn **razorblade **or **scissors **or **safety pin**, or anything that was harmful and sharp. She was going to keep her promise to Phil. Then what she said when she shut the door after heleft came back to her mind, _I'm sorry Phil, but I don't think I can stop._

Well, fuck what she had said. She was going to.

Even if it **killed **her.

_Oh wait, scratch that. That was a bad analogy. _

Even if it took **everything **she had to stop.

_Yeah. That's better. _

Keely thought to herself, smiling as she held up a shirt to her chest.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Phil arrived at Keely's house at 6:35. He decided that instead of taking the bus they would walk there. He really needed to talk to her, alone.

Being a couple minutes earlier than usual, he sat on her porch swing.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Keely was on a roll. She had her hair, make-up, and her clothes done. And it was only 6:30.

She was just amazing this morning. She had no idea why she was so peppy.

It was like she was back to her old self.

_God how she missed that. _

But she knew by the time she walked out of her room, her mom would be up and say something rude and obnoxious like, "You look ugly" or Keely's favorite, "You make me wanna throw up."

Yeah, that was the best.

But when she walked out of her room, she was surprised to see that her mother was nowhere to be found. That made her extremely happy.

_I guess she's having a bad hangover._

_Good for her. :_

Grabbing a cherry poptart, she grabbed her house keys and opened her front door. The poptart stuck in her mouth, she closed it and locked it.

"Hey."

She jumped, her keys flying out of her hands but the poptart still tightly held in her mouth.

"Uhtufuc?" She exclaimed forgetting the poptart was still in her mouth. Phil grinned at her, getting to his feet. She pulled the cherry pastry out of her mouth and repeated, "What the fuck? You scared me. How long have you been sitting there?"

Picking up her keys she walked towards Phil, half-smiling. "Just a few minutes, I thought we'd walk to school instead."

"Umm. Okay, that sounds good, I guess."

_Oh god, what if he wants to talk about last night?!_

Walking side by side, they began stepping down the stairs, as they did Phil entwined his hand with Keely's.

At this sudden gesture, Keely was speechless. She looked over at Phil, but he just smiled and kept his eyes looking ahead. With this, Keely couldn't help but smile.

Phil noticed this and couldn't help but stare at her. He loved that smile. And for the past two or three days, he had missed it dearly.

"Hey Keel?" Phil said, as a couple of minutes had gone by.

"Hmm?" She murmured. She didn't seem to be listening as she was looking up at the sky.

"You're not going to break the promise between us are you?" he asked, after a long awaited pause.

This apparently must have gotten her attention because she redirected her gaze towards the boy.

"Of course I won't. I promised you, and myself that I wouldn't. Why, you don't think I won't keep it?!" Keely exclaimed. She was getting pretty defensive now, and that made Phil really edgy about the whole conversation.

"No I'm not saying that, I just really wanted to know, because I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you, and you do realize that if you keep doing that than you could cut a vein and eventually kill yourself."

"Well thank you very much Dr. Phil, I'll be sure to ask you when I want to know obvious information! Duh I know that! Why the hell do you think I did it in the first place? To follow a trend? No! I was unhappy and I appreciate if he dropped this subject."

Keely was getting really aggravated with him. If this was the only reason Phil wanted to walk to school with her, than he was so going to get the cold shoulder. He was making her day worse. And if he didn't stop, the urge was gonna get bigger and bigger until she finally snapped, and actually did break the promise.

"You wanted to kill yourself?! That's why you did it!?!! KEELY!" Phil shouted, looking at her with deep outrage.

This made Keely release Phil's hand.

"I said drop it Phil, so drop it," she whispered as she kept walking.

But Phil wasn't going to drop it. He grabbed her wrist and spun her around. Pushing her up against the building they were passing by.

"NO, I will not drop it. Why the fuck would you want to kill yourself?! Just because your mother tells you you're worthless and she doesn't care what happens to you, means that I don't either! Keely, if anything ever happened to you,I don't know what I would do. I'd probably die along with you. I'd be lost, just a walking void, nothing in my life would be the same. Do you not get that I could not and will not live without you."

As he said it, his eyes were locked on hers, but as soon as he finished, he turned his head away from her. He was really mad and he clicked his tongue a few times to subside it.

A few seconds passed and Keely had not taken her eyes off of the boy in front of her.

"Phil.." she whispered.

He turned his head to glance at her and said harshly, "Yeah?"

She glanced at his lips as they formed the word and whispered, "**Shut up and kiss me**." And with that she closed the gap between their mouths and kissed him hard. He didn't object, not for a minute. He wanted that kiss just as much as she had. So there was no doubt that there wasn't any passion or desperation in it.

There was plenty.

It was only for about a minute, but it felt like forever. As they broke apart, there breaths ragged from the cut off oxygen. "Phil, I love you. I promise I'll stop. I promise.." Keely whispered, her head lying against his forehead.

He smiled lovingly and gave her an Eskimo kiss. This couldn't help but make Keely grin and grin widely. She loved those, more than she loved real kisses, or cheek kisses. She was surprised that Phil still remembered that she did, or maybe he just thought it was cute, but either way she loved him for it.

"We gotta walk. Can't be late for school can we?" Keely said, grabbing Phil's hand again. Her face was still in the cheesy grin, she couldn't seem to get if off her face.

He made her feel loved, and that she didn't need anyone else to make her happy. This feeling that she was feeling in her stomach, was causing her to feel sick, but she let it go.

She let it go, because she knew it was her stomach telling her that she loved this boy to no end.

Hah.

He would be the death of her.

She was sure of it.

--------------------------------------------------------

School.

--------------------------------------------------------

Phil and Keely parted with the start of their first class. Keely had Chemistry and Phil, Advanced Physics.

The only problem Keely had with this was the fact that her friend Via was in there with her. As she walked into the class, she caught eye contact with the British transfer student.

Via immediately noticed Keely and gave her a concerned look. When Keely noticed this, she quickly broke contact.

_I want to apologize. But I can't. Not without telling Via that I really do cut myself. _

_Wait. I dont' do that anymore. So maybe...no. No chance to risk it, Via would tell. No doubt._

"Keely..." Via whispered, hoping to get her best friend's attention.

Keely heard her, but ignored it. There was no way she could talk to Via without her bringing up the bathroom incident.

"Keel-"

"Good Morning Class. Today we have a lab. Grab your aprons and goggles, and your normal lab partners." Ms. Feinstein exclaimed with her regular chipperness.

_SHIT._

Via was her lab partner.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!

_How am I gonna get out of this?!!_

"Keely..." Via exclaimed after a few long minutes.

"Not now Vi. I'm busy with our assignment," she replied, holding up two cylinders, one filled with red liquid, the other green.

Via closed her mouth. She had no idea how she was going to get Keely to admit that she was cutting.

Wait a minute. She felt so dumb for not thinking of it before.

"Ms. Feinstein, isn't it a class rule that when you work with liquid that you pull up your long sleeves, so you don't catch them on fire?"

_It was a low blow, but she had to know._

Keely eyes went huge.

_That stupid bitch._

"Why yes it isMs. Teslow, I'm sorry but it is a class rule."

Keely turned her gaze towards Via, sending a death glare. It sent chills down Via's back.

"I hate you." Keely whispered as she pulled them up.

And as she did, Via's allegations were confirmed. She saw the cuts and scars that Keely had written on her wrist.

"Keely..." she whispered, her hand flying over her mouth. "Shut the fuck up Via, you're nothing to me."

"Keel, I was only trying to find out-"

"Don't call me that, only Phil can call me that. Are you a boy about "5'11" with short brown hair?

Don't think so. And I don't give a shit what you were trying to figure out, I told you to forget it and you didn't. So you're dead to me, and if you tell anyone about what I did, I'll show how dead to me you can be."

Keely threatened, her voice getting angrier and angrier by the word.

Via's eyes began to water and she turned her head away from her lost best friend. She had done a very bad thing, a very bad thing. But in a way, Via didn't think she had really done anything so horrible. She was only trying to find out if what she thought her friend was doing was true.

She thought that she was being a good friend.

"Keely, I'm sorry, but you have to stop doing that." Via whispered, a few minutes later.

_Give it a fucking rest already Via._

"Via, stop it. You're not sorry. You thought that you doing that would make you a **good **_friend_. Well Via, a **good **_friend _would butt out. A **good **_friend_, would know when to give someone space, but no you had to know. So you go a pull a stunt like that. Are you fucking **retarded**?! What would've happened if Ms. Feinstein would have seen them. Did you think of that?! No you didn't, cuz you're fucking stupid. Now stop talking to me."

As soon as Keely finished her speech, the bell to end first period rang. Throwing off her lab coat and goggles, she picked up her bag and stormed out the room, leaving Via to clean up the flasks and cylinders, over thinking her mistake.

---------------------------------------------------------

Keely had never been so angry in her life.

She hadn't even been this angry at her mom.

As she walked fiercly down the hallway, someone caught her arm. The figure turned her around, and she came face to face with Phil.

She winced. He had grabbed the _wrong_ arm. He must of noticed because he let go of her arm immediately.

"Sorry." He whispered.

"It's okay." She tried to whisper back but her anger was so bottled up that it came out in a sort of yell.

He was noticing things pretty fast lately because as soon as she said that his face grew into concern and he quickly asked, "What's wrong?"

She sighed roughly before answering, "Via. That's what's wrong. She knows."

"I know." He explained.

"What do you mean, _'I know'_?!" She yelled.

"She was the one that told me yesterday that she saw you with a safety pin in the bathroom." He continued, while rubbing Keely's shoulder, trying to calm her down.

But hearing this only pissed her off more.

"That **stupid bitch**, I'm gonna kill her." She shouted, beginning to walk away in the direction of Via's next class. Phil grabbed her arm, stopping her before she got too far.

"Keel, stop. Via was only worried about you. That's what friends do, they worry about others," he tried to explain.

"No Phil, what she did to really find out if I was, was horrible. She almost got me caught by the teacher. She made the teacher make me roll up my sleeves for the lab assignment, just so she could confirm to herself that I cut," she whispered angrily.

"Mmmk. So I understand why you would be mad, but calm down. Don't do something you will regret. Just enjoy the fact that you're here with me, and that you don't have a class with her at all for the rest of the day. Enjoy the fact that we have classes together for the rest of the day."

"Now _smile _**babe**, I **hate**when you _frown_," he whispered in her ear, causing chills to go up and down her spine.

He clasped her hand, pulling her along with him to their next destination, **Algebra II**.

God, she **loved **Phil, and his way with words.

**MMk. **

**So I didn't exactly do what I was suppose to with this chapter like I said I would in the chapter preview. But I will in this upcoming chapter. I didn't exactly mean to not do that but I had a lot of gaps to kinda fill in. Soo yeah. **

**Review please. **

**AndreaShea.**


End file.
